GIRAFFE FECES and CHASTITY BELTS are horribly ignored in our cult!
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"Be my teddy bear."
"Adversity makes strange bedfellows."
A little on the history of chastity belts
Crust-een-ah's mom used to manufacture these iron maidens before she died of getting hit by a car. Weirdly enough, Crust-een-ah's mom still talks to her. The doctor's tried to pass it off like schizophrenia but I think we all know better than those quacks. Crust-een-ah has a friend named Chesti-ka. She just won 14th place in the College Station spelling bee. She also won 1st place in the RobertDiNero Look Alike Contest. You will hear more about "Chesti" (as Crust-een-ah likes to call her) upon further exploration of this site.
 I hear your mom's 'loose'
I work at Stop 'n' Go. She came in with a Italian singer and a trailer park manager who had just gotten a tatoo that said "I did her" and pointed to your mom. I cried uncontrollably and rung up her purchase of artichoke hearts and pigs' holves. Oops. Aaaand that economy size of you know what-"funny balloons." Put a leash on your dog!

I got a few "Enhancements" done
Well, I figured I wasn't looking quite up to par with Pamela Anderson Lee, so I stuffed myself with carpet clippings and other bits o' garbage.

Getting Rich Quick From Your Bod!
I might not want a large amount of customers in my home if I want to guide "visitors" toward my other bedrooms. Instead of that, I can add others hot buttons to this first mailing list and I'll be amply rewarded for customers who click on their own buttons. For example, if a client signs up for a appointment using the crusty butt on my site, I earn at least a nickel.

i will rule you!
my plan for the dismemberment of Chesti.
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Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition!!!