CRUSTY COME HOME!!! (Your 'boyfriends' keep asking for you)
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Crust-een-ah's GONE!!!
She ran away with this guy who works at the GAP and calls her "toots." He pinches her bum a lot, and she giggles. It is so WRONG!!! He's 15, and Crusty's, like, 50!!! So if you see them on the street, punch Crusty in the face, tuck her under your arm, and deliver her to me, Horty, PDQ. Last seen: Crusty in the usual- clear hot pants, red leather halter top, orthopedic shoes, and a "Prince" button on her left boob. The boy (his name is Tiffany) was last seen wearing a GAP logo sweatshirt, GAP khakis, GAP orange socks, and a pair of high heels. Keep your eyes open. Oh, sources rumor Crusty might have shaved her armpits. This changes her appearance considerably.
LAST SEEN:
Getting hitched at this mormon church, somewhere in Utah. Crusty is a raging episcopalian, and it appalls and concerns me that she would give into Tiff's mormonism: he's brainwashing her! If she comes to your door saying "Five dollars makes you holler!" and then winks and says "To GOD, with such ECSTASY that you are SAVED!!!" please contact me at the hotline I've set up to field this crisis:
1-800-KIL-DOGZ

CRUSTY'S HOME:
Crusty lies a lot, but she is in fact a hairy old Italian. This is her place of consumation and birth (her mom laid there for 9 months because Buddha told her in a dream "A monster is growing inside you, do not move"), Venice. She has a huge fetish for spaghetti and pizza, also pens that you click it and the guy's penis pops up. Try to lure her in with any one (or a combination) of these three!



Accidents will happen in the best-regulated families.